I will laugh myself back to the good side of life

2011-05-10T11:20:00.001-05:00

"Now I got mortgages on homes, I got stiffness in ma' bones". Email me the title and band to win a prize!!!

July 5, 2010

2010-07-05T21:41:00.001-05:00

"Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels."

~Kate Moss

I am in pursuit of loosing 30 pounds by the end of August. I have plastered the number 6 all over the house. I have put a nail in a wall in the family room and hung a skirt I haven't been able to wear in two years. My goal is to be a size 6 by the end of August and I think 30 pounds will get me there.

Needless to say, I have made some radical changes to my lifestyle. I have eliminated processed, refined, prepared and packaged foods out of my diet as well as dairy. I am also walking 7 miles a day with my trusty companion Lance. Lance is my 9 year old springer spaniel. I am also doing yoga twice a week. OK, in full disclosure, I am still meditating about the yoga, but I have sought it out and scheduled two classes into my planner this week.

Every day I grab my mp3 player and the leash and out the door we go. I have lost 7 pounds thus far, yet everyone is commenting on how lean Lance is looking. Go figure.

I think back and it doesn't seem that long ago that my daily workout was pushing dumbbells (I don't mean my exhusband) around a gym for an hour and 700 crunches. OK, in full disclosure, I think it was half a tar filled lung ago.

So as I sit here, having ate my small piece of watermelon for my snack, I am thinking, does anything taste better than skinny feels?"

A f"ing donut would.

Wishing you many moments of laughter.....

Kris

2010-06-16T21:13:00.007-05:00

"Sex is like air, it's not important unless you aren't getting any."

~author unknown

I took a "mental health" day today. I just could not drag myself out of bed. I have been in a battle with low level depression for the last two years. I have been able to keep it under control with the help of a little prozac and a lot of laughter.

However the last couple of months I have been in a terrible funk that I can't seem to shake. I know the source of the funk however I can not seem to manage or think myself out of it.

As I sit with my middle daughter she is concerned because she has noticed something is a little off. She asked me if I have been taking my happy pills. To which I replied yes.

Now here is where I remind you that I have said, since she was a very little girl that my middle daughter, SJH, is very responsible, level headed and studious. She was the one that wanted to practice fire drills at home, she had mapped out a meeting spot outside of our home in the event of an emergency and was always willing to go to the "safe spot" in the house when a tornado warning was issued.

She proceeds to tell me that sex creates dopamine which releases a "happy" hormone in the brain. And maybe that would help me feel better. To which I respond, "You need to be in a loving committed relationship, and I am not. I am going to practice abstinence in support of you and your practice of abstinence. I will wait until you turn twenty and I expect you will wait until then as well," I said.

Our own little abstinence pact, I felt like we should have done something ceremonial.

As we sat quietly thinking about the discussion, SJH said "what about masterbation?" Urgh. I don't think I am prepared to go down this conversational path. I said "what are you talking about?" "For the happy hormone to make you feel better."

I should mention, I got a letter today from my shrink indicating that it has been a significant amount time since our last visit. I think I will call for an emergency appointment tomorrow. Karma is a facinating thing, isn't it?

Wishing you many moments of laughter until next time.

K

February 19, 2010

2010-02-18T22:35:00.018-06:00

“Sacrificing your happiness for the happiness of the one you love, is by far, the truest type of love.”

-author unknown

I never really gave much thought to the notion that as parents we sacrifice many things for our children. My children have brought me more joy, pride and satisfaction that I have never considered being their mom a sacrifice. I have spent more hours in a cold ice arena than I have in a spa. I have listened to more band/choir concerts than I have rock concerts. I have spent more money at Abercrombie Fitch and Hollister than I have at Macys or Nordstroms. And I have watched more Disney TV than Food Network. Never once has it crossed my mind that I am making sacrifices.

Until a few weeks ago. My middle daughter turned 16 in January. We have spent 5864 days together and I would not trade one of them. She so badly wanted her hair professionally cut and colored. So of course I obliged. I love anything that has to do with hair styles, so I was not hard to convince. We went to the mall the Sunday before her birthday and she got her hair colored darker than her natural color and over 8 inches cut. We left the mall and she was radiating beautiful. Not because her new "do" changed the way she looked. But because she felt so good inside.

Isn't it amazing how good a girl can feel when they get their hair done. I know that I enjoy my time at the salon getting mine done. But I had to make a choice. I cancelled my standing appointment that occurs every 6 weeks for a cut and color and spent the money on my girl and her 16th birthday. Now, I stand in the bathroom applying my $8.00 bottle of hair color, something I haven't had to do myself for over 10 years, and the light bulb went on. When a mom fore goes the necessity of a haircut and color and tries to cover the gray on her own, the ultimate sacrifice has just occurred. This must be what every one talks about. So next time you see a woman and you think "She could use a spin through the salon to fix that mess" remember she very well could have sacrificed her beauty stash for one of her girls....

Wishing you many moments of laughter until next time.

February 15, 2010

2010-02-15T06:21:00.008-06:00

~ If you find it in your heart to care for somebody else, you will have succeeded. ~

Maya Angelou

As I sit this morning, I am looking at the 12 red long stem roses on my counter. And I am savoring the notion that someone took the time to send them to me to let me know they were thinking about me. I find it interesting that we seem to have an ongoing debate about the integrity of Valentines day. Some will say that it is a overrated commercial frenzy fueled by Hallmark. The argument is we should let our loved ones know how we feel everyday and not just on Valentines Day.

I will speak on behalf of women everywhere, we love participating in this frenzy. Especially when we are the lucky recipient. You can not compare the feeling when the delivery man walks through the door at work and announces your name while holding a vase of long stem roses. Everyone stands and takes notice. It conveys to everyone you work with as well as the strangers that see them on your desk, that someone digs you.

We give you the benefit that you love and care for us every day. But on this day, send something that to show the world that you do. To JH, the man who sent them, Thank You, it has been a long time since that feeling has warmed my heart. You have won my favor for many months to come.

I brought home my beautiful roses and my middle daughter, SJH, was inquisitive. She said "Is there one fake rose in the bunch"? I replied "of course not". She responded "There should be one fake rose in the bunch and the card should read I will love you until the last rose dies." Wow... This from SJH who has always been practical, no fuss, no carrying on kind of girl. I said to her, "When did you get so sentimental and sappy?" To which she replied, "When I got pubic hair"!

Wishing you many moments of laughter until next time......

February 8, 2010

2010-02-08T17:59:00.006-06:00

"We covered 'Hey, Jude." My father panicked, misunderstanding the lyrics and thinking our lead singer was belting out 'Hey, Jew" to a roomful of Holocaust survivors."

-Ben Stiller

I wonder how many people have misheard lyrics to songs and kept singing the wrong lyrics in blissful ignorance for years. I recall as a kid my mother would sing in the car and when she got to parts of the lyrics she did not know she would hum. No longer do people hum through the unknown words, we sing what we think we heard whether it makes sense or not.

My youngest daughter LJP was watching Billy Madison this weekend. I noticed that she was singing a song that had a very familiar hook. I asked her what she was singing and she replied, "Cloris Douglas". I am thinking I know this tune but the words do not make sense. I asked where she had heard it and I was not familiar with all the songs in the movie. So as the night went on and she and I continued to repeat this chorus, I finally realized that the tune was Billy Squier's The Stroke.

Now if you pause right here and sing "Cloris Douglas" in the right tune of "stroke me stroke me". You will start to crack up. I told my daughter that she had the wrong lyrics, I found the song on the internet, printed the lyrics and played it for her. It was hilarious. Everytime I hear that song I will sing the chorus as "Cloris Douglas".

A few years ago, Sawyer Brown had a song with lyrics of, "6 days on the road and I gonna make it home tonight". My middle child, SJH, was convinced that the lyrics were, "6 days on the road and I'm gonna comb my hair tonight".

Some of the most popular misheard lyrics are:

R.E.M's Losing my Religion:

Misheard: "Let's pee in the corner, let's pee in the Spotlight."

Actual: "That's me in the corner, that's me in the spotlight."

Creedence Clearwater Rivival's Bad Moon Rising:

Misheard: "There's a bathroom on the right."

Actual: "There's a bad moon on the rise."

Bon Jovi's Living on a Prayer

Misheard: "It doesn't make a difference if were naked or not."

Actual: "It doesn't make a difference if we make it or not."

Johnny Rivers' Secret Agent Man

Misheard: "Secret Asian Man."

Actual: "Secret Agent Man."

Now, I must tell you we have always had an open for discussion policy with my kids. If they have questions about anything (sex, drugs, alcohol, etc) we will talk about it. If I don't know the answer, I will get it. Keep in mind, I am 43 and still waiting for my mom to tell me about sex.

I will also tell you that I think I am pretty hip when it comes to contemporary music. I listen to a lot of hip hop, top 40, pop, etc, because the kids love music and it is always on in the house.

As I chase the girls out the door to the car this morning to go to school. Lil Wayne's song, Bedrock is on the radio. And as we sing the words to the song, my youngest, my baby, LJP turns to me and says "Mom, what is a G spot". Crap, couldn't she have misheard those lyrics??????

Wishing you many moments of laughter until next time.

November 27, 2009

2009-11-27T07:56:00.013-06:00

"Part of grieving comes from the realization of our own mortality or that of the people we love."

Fr. Mark Underdahl

Something extraordinary took place this past week under very unfortunate and tragic circumstances. Let me give you the story.

Growing up in my family we did not take part in verbal or physical exchanges of affection. It never crossed my mind that my family didn't love me, we just didn't express it. When I had my children I made a decision that I would tell them everyday that I loved them and that we would exchange a kiss or hug whenever possible. I wanted them to be comfortable make these exchanges. As my children have grown I have seen the progression of this decision. When my children approached the age of 10 they were embarrassed to be kissing their mom, especially if anyone what going to witness the act. Never uncomfortable to utter the words "I love you", but would avoid the kisses, hugs and holding hands whenever they could. I have also spent 18 years telling my children that these exchanges are essential because if something ever happened to either of us we did not want to be sad for the rest of our lives because we did not take the time to express our love for each other.

On Wednesday, I sat between my two oldest children in church. We were attending the funeral of the mother of my son's best friend. Her death was unexpected and sudden. As our hearts were heavy for the family, we listened attentively as people spoke about this exceptional woman. This woman welcomed my son and others into her home regularly, provided direction, entertainment and more than a few meals. My son was so sad and I assumed it was for his friends sorrow and his own personal loss of a woman he thought very highly of.

After the mass, I went home to help my son pack up for his drive back to Michigan. And as he was leaving I uttered the words I always do when my children and I are going to be separated for a period of time, "No one will ever love you as much as your mom does". And as I said the familiar words he hugged me longer than he had in years. As I watched him pull away I realized that all those years of me telling him the importance of expressing our love had come full circle and he "got it".

Wishing you many moments of laughter with your family.

August 31, 2009

2009-08-31T21:04:00.011-05:00

"Do you believe in computer dating?"
"Only if the computers really love each other."

Groucho Marx

First let me say that my mom and dad would have celebrated their 44th wedding anniversary this last week. And I have spent some time reflecting on this.

My friend MC and I have spent the last couple of weeks giving the online dating world a whirl. I have not been successful in meeting my life lasting mate but I have found the world of online dating very interesting.

I have determined that we all have the same needs. We all long for emotional and physical companionship. Some profiles will be direct in what they are looking for and others are not. I have been contacted by married men, men who say they are single but really are married, men who have been single for awhile and have kids at home as well as men who are single and empty nesters.

When I read the profiles of these men it occurs to me that when people sit in the isolation of their home and computer they are able to convey to others that they are perfect. For instance, I read a lot of profiles that state they are loving, caring, is a gentleman, loves long romantic walks, holding hands and even staying in and cuddling with their partner, etc... it appears to be everything men think women want to hear. And then I look at the pictures and I think to myself, "if these are really all of the things you like to do why are the pictures in your profile of you fishing, hunting, snowmobiling, etc.....and would your ex partner use those same words to describe you?"

Now I must say I have always believed that there are 3 sides to every story. Your version, my version and the truth. Perception and recollection are not one in the same. In no way am I implying that in general men are responsible for the demise of a relationship.

It is also odd that when people are involved in this online dating thing there doesn't seem to be any social barriers or etiquette. I could never imagine someone introducing me to a man and the man's first statement is "Hey baby, you are cute". There is rarely a "Hi", "How are you" statement in the first email.

My friend MC laughs all the time at me because I will not email any men. I tell her I am still a believer in chivalry. I will wait for a man to email me first. Yes you can have standards and participate in the online dating thing...

And every evening I log on to the website and hope that with all of its formulas and personality models the website will have found me that man who loves shoes, sunglasses and hair care products.

Wishing you many moments of laughter until next time.

August 12, 2009

2009-08-12T22:33:00.009-05:00

"The best memories come from the most imperfect moments."

-Kris Palmer

I was meeting today with a customer (SA-W) of mine who I have worked with for the last 8 months. She is in the process of buying a home with her fiance, getting married this weekend and starts her second year of law school next week. Needless to say she has a tremendous amount of stress right now. SA-W and I were discussing her home purchase (an event that has been very frustrating for them) (not because of me, of course), school starting and the wedding. She indicated that she received a phone call from the lady making her wedding cake telling her that she was quitting.

As I tried to lighten the situation, I offered to power out some cupcakes, I gave her the sage advice that everything will work out and then out of nowhere I came up with the quote above. And we agreed that it was true...

I would like to share with you a page out of my "not such a great parenting moment" book... When my oldest (JMH) was about 4 we were living in Minnesota, my family and my inlaws were all in Illinois. So as I hastily prepared for Christmas that year, I bought both the kids new Christmas outfits, frantically wrapped all of the presents and tried to get the laundry and housework done so that we could get on the road for our 360 mile trek to Illinois from Minnesota.

We rolled into town (my parents house) and had to immediately get ready for dinner with my husbands entire family plus extended family. As I was trying to get ready, my dad was helping me with JMH and trying to put on the new shoes I bought him to go with his Christmas outfit. As JMH is crying my dad is telling me that the shoes I bought were too small and wouldn't fit. And in my not so proudest moment I exclaimed, "I don't care if they hurt, you are wearing the shoes."

I made him wear the shoes until we got to the Christmas celebration. At that point I let him take them off. In all of the pictures that year JMH's eyes were puffy and red from all the crying. I can not tell you what presents were exchanged that year, what we had for dinner or even whose home we were at. I can tell you the memory of JMH's 4th Christmas will never be forgotten...

So to my friend SA-W, know that if you have to serve Spongebob cupcakes from the local grocer, your guests will enjoy them because they are celebrating a wonderful day with you and will talk about the cupcake for many more years than they would the original cake you picked out.

It is my dad's birthday today, tell your dad you love him and I wish you both many moments of laughter until next time.....

July 29, 2009

2009-07-29T15:26:00.012-05:00

"We dance for laughter, we dance for tears, we dance for madness, we dance for fears, we dance for hopes, we dance for screams, we are the dancers, we create the dreams. "

-Albert Einstein

I have said that I believe that music soothes the soul. It is not uncommon in our home to have the music turned up loud and dance around the family room. Alarmingly though, I have developed this "move". It is the move I have seen mother do for years. I liken it to using reprimands on your own children that your mother used on you as a kid. After the words roll out of your mouth, you think when did I become my mother? You do not intend to use those "classics" from you childhood. They just seem to come out. This is the same premise of the dance "move". I have no intention on using it, I know that it is not "hip", not part of the now. However, when caught up in the moment of the music it rears its ugly head.

I will try to explain so that you can get a visual. It requires your arms at your side bent at the elbow and your hands out front of you. The critical part of executing this move is that you must have your thumbs up. (I know all of my relatives reading this are nodding their heads, they have witnessed this move at either their own wedding or that of another family members'.)

My sister and I will proudly tell you we had some awesome "moves" in the eighties. Not to mention, awesome eighties hair ( I will save that topic for another day). Fast forward 20 years and as I dance around the living room my "moves" are not a throw back to the eighties like you would expect (a little running man spiced with the cabbage patch, oh and lest we forget the sprinkler). I don't know when it happened, or how it happened, all I know is that it just happened. I don't know what caused the "move" to emerge. I have tossed around a couple of different theories, maybe it is age that drives the "move", or the extra weight I have put on, or possibly as you loose your "hipness" you are no longer able to suppress the "move".

So as the girls and I dance around the living room to our favorite songs, my nine year old, my youngest, my baby, LJP, falls to the ground and covers her eyes with her hands, and she exclaims, "Mom your dance moves are burning my eyes!!!"

Wishing you many moments of laughter until next time......

K

July 22, 2009

2009-07-22T21:23:00.004-05:00

I found a quote today, "If every word I said could make you laugh, I'd talk forever.." the author is anonymous.

I would like to use this blog to make you laugh. So here goes my first in a series of real stories:

My friend Dr. J and I were having coffee in St. Paul. We were discussing my middle child's (SJH) opposition to fur coats. I was telling Dr. J that I was so proud of SJH as she had so much conviction and felt strongly about the subject. However I was a little disappointed that she did not want my coat.

I should tell you the conversation started because I was recounting a discussion SJH and I were having about me leaving SJH my full length sheared beaver coat when I die (don't be to harsh in your judgement of me owning a fur coat).

I was telling Dr. J that I love my fur coat. That I can remember as a child my grandmother wearing hers on special occasions. She would dress up, have her hair done and don her fur coat. And when I wear mine it brings back some very fond memories of my grandma.

So as the people in the coffee shop are chattering away I tell Dr. J in my very robust, passionate about this subject voice "IS THE WORLD REALLY WORSE OFF BECAUSE I HAVE A BEAVER???"""

I of course did not realize what I said at first, Dr. J about fell off her chair and the entire coffee shop went quiet.

Wishing you many moments of laughter until next time....

July 8, 2009

2009-07-08T13:59:00.000-05:00

Charlie Chaplin said, " A day without laughter is a day wasted." This is my new mantra. I read somewhere that a health study determined that we need 12 laughs a day to stay healthy. As well as it will make you and everyone around you feel good. I know that when I laugh I feel better. And here is my story and how making laughter a priority came to be.

I have always had a good sense of humor. I attribute that to my mother. I raised my kids to have a good sense of humor. It was important to me that they could laugh at themselves. And they can.

Over the course of the last 9 years, it became evident I was laughing less and less each day. When it was time to move on from that life, I decided that my only goal was that I was going to spend the rest of my life laughing. Keep in mind I have a lot of short term goals, however if on the day I die I can say from that defining moment in 2008, I have laughed every day with my kids, my friends, my family, my coworkers and even perfect strangers, well then, what a joy filled life I have had. The last 18 months have been a difficult time for me. I can't imagine being able to get myself through it without laughter. I don't believe I am back on the good side of life yet, however I can see it in the distance and it is getting closer. I attibute this to an terrific set of kids, an excellent shrink and Dr. J, a new friend of mine that keeps me laughing!!!

As I made this a priority, I have been more aware of the people around me. It is sad, but very few people smile anymore. No one wants to make eye contact with anyone, no one walks alone or even in the company of someone else with a smile on their face. I challenge anyone reading this to spend tomorrow with a smile on their face for the entire day. Make eye contact with people on the street and say hello. You will be amazed at how terrific it makes you feel.

I took my kids to see KOOZA, Cirque du Soleil, tonight. It was a terrific show. However, on the way home in the car with the music turned up loud and all of us singing, grooving and laughing together was the best part of the evening. I can honestly say there is nothing better than a family filled with laughter.

Please try to spend the entire day tomorrow smiling, wishing you many moments of laughter until next time.

K

July 15, 2009

2008-07-19T11:36:00.001-05:00

First order of business, I need to make an editorial correction. It seems I have been challenged on my facts in the first post. My sister indicates that I got my sense of humor from her, not my mother. The idea in and of itself is funny as my sister is younger than I. Maybe my laughter started that day in May 1970 when she charged into my life??? I will concur, she too has a great sense of humor, and I am delighted that I can still make her laugh.

As I chronicle my journey back to the good side of life, I find that somethings cross my path and may be insignificant in the moment but upon reflection speak to me in a larger voice.

Donovan Frankenreiter sings:

"I'm lookin for Life , love and laughter
Everything in between and what happens after."

I downloaded this song after I first heard it. As it plays on my mp3 today I thought "That is ME!" I want it all, I want life, love, laughter, everything in between and what happens after.

The power of music is unbelievable in my life. I have always said that music can soothe the soul. It does for me. I listen to the Frankenreiter song and I sing at the top of my lungs, maybe dance around the house a little and I am convinced that this song is ME. I am looking forward to the everything in between and what happens after. But wait, isn't that what my path has consisted of in the past??? Maybe it is the perspective? If I am enjoying life, enjoying love, and enjoying laughter maybe the bumps in the in between won't seem so crushing. Maybe I should quit looking forward to it and create it now in my life. We ARE makers of our own destiny, right? So why wait, make it happen.

I think I am becoming "enlightened". As I forge my path to the good side of life I have found that I need to change the way I think. My shrink has helped me with this. Recognizing all of the good things in my life really diminishes the impact of the bad. I am working on enjoying my life everyday. This is a work in progress. As for Love, I can say that my heart is full with love. Not in the sense of a companion, (I am sure that will come in time) but my kids have managed to take over my heart in this troubled time and push the pain out. Mostly with their humor. My kids can always make me laugh. My two eldest kids have impeccable timing. My son will even tell you that I love him the most because he can make me laugh. He too, recognizes that this is such a admired character trait. And of course, you know how important laughter is to me. I do laugh each and every day. You should too. It is a powerful thing.

Wishing you many moments of laughter until next time.

K